Happiness is a state of mind. Only you can decide whether or not to be happy. I feel everyone wants to be happy but just don’t know how. It’s not so difficult if you put in a little bit of effort.

I am not writing this because I have achieved the near impossible and learned to be happy all the time. That would seem more than a little weird to me. Earlier I used to have spells of depression which wouldn’t leave me alone for days – till one day I decided to take control of my life and stop feeling so sad and sorry for myself. I still have my moments but I have learnt how to break the evil spell too. There’s nothing more degrading than to wallow in self pity hoping someone would notice.

Here are a few ways I try to feel better.

  1. Don't judgeYou are no one’s judge: “When you point at someone, the rest of the three fingers point at you.” Stop judging right now. Be it self-judgment, or judging others.

    For yourself: If your circumstance seems too difficult, try to resist less. Give yourself time and space to accept what is. Whatever you achieve, someone else will always do better. However bad you are, others are worse. Change along with the situation. There’s no better way to adjust. Treat yourself well. Give up feeling guilty as it changes nothing in your life. Try to put things right and if that’s not possible accept you screwed up and don’t repeat it again. Let it go! Stop trying to be perfect. You don’t have to impress anyone.

    For others: Judging others is foolish since you cannot know all the facts, cannot create a reliable or objective scale. You have a limited and extremely partial view of the other person. You really don’t know what led them to behave the way they did. There is always the other side of the story and you are no one to decide who is speaking the truth. Who cares about your opinion anyway? Instead just hear them out if they need a friend. Or avoid any circumstance where you are forced to judge them. Being rude or gossiping will only harm the person and shake their confidence in humanity at large. At some point, your actions will make you feel smaller than a little insect. Empathy costs nothing but makes you feel good when you lie back at the end of the day and take a count. No one can be perfect.

  2. Past, Present, FutureDwell in the present: Why waste time regretting about the past or worrying about the future when neither is within your reach? Worry is an energy vampire. There is nothing you can do to undo the past while the thoughts eat into you. On the other hand what happens in the future cannot be controlled either. So no use wasting precious time and energy there.

    Be content with the present. Believe ‘everything happens for a reason’ and it cannot be too bad for too long. Happiness will find its way into your heart.

    I have noticed people getting more miserable comparing themselves with others. Petty feeling like jealousy, enmity, revenge and hatred overpowers the good side in you. Don’t dwell in those feelings. They end up leaving a bad taste in your mouth which refuses to leave. Acceptance is a great feeling and better still would be if you can manage to not get bogged down by anything. The energy vampires will be forced to leave you alone.

  3. Say 'Thank You'...Don’t forget to say “Thank You”: Always be grateful for all that you have. Not just to God but to all the people who make life comfortable for you. While you pray to God don’t forget to thank your maid or lift-man for their service. It’s very motivating when you see all those people who own less than half of what you possess and yet manage to laugh and love more than you ever manage to do. When we concentrate on the good in our life it tends to increase. Being thankful of the little things in life makes happiness multiply exponentially.

    Be grateful for what you are. Take time out for yourself. It’s a blessing in itself and you need to keep yourself beautiful just as a token of the gratitude. Pamper yourself once in a while. Take the massage you wanted to. Put your feet up and watch the sun go down sipping on your favourite cocktail. Meditate. Spend twenty minutes every day just with yourself allowing your mind to go blank and fill in with the silence and calm. It will reboot your system just like your computer. Think positive. Monitor our thoughts to delete all negative ones and run only positive ones. It will be a refreshing treat to you.

  4. Don't care... assert self-authorityDon’t care what others think of you: Be self authorized. Don’t make your decisions based on what others think you should do. Think for yourself. Analyze the situation for yourself.

    Stop concerning yourself with what the rest of the world thinks about you. People shouldn’t be able to control your emotions. Even though we bother ourselves with what others think and feel the truth is most people are too busy with their own lives to be concerned about you. Your sadness or happiness affect only those who are your closest family, and that too is limited to the time they can spare for you. The rest don’t matter. Keep them restricted to the outer circles. The more people you include the more complicated your problems will seem with their criticism and opinions. Lessen complications and life will seem simpler.

    Remember to be true to yourself. Speak the truth to yourself. Be responsible for all your actions. Sometimes the world won’t understand your decisions and gossip or try to help. Stick to your own decisions which you know to be true. Everything will fall into place eventually.

  5. Change PrioritiesReassess your priorities: Expand your options. Allow more possibilities for today and tomorrow. Don’t limit yourself just because things went badly wrong sometime in the past. Think of all the times things went better that what you had hoped. Drop the word impossible from your dictionary. The word impossible itself spells “I’m possible”. Every morning while you wash your face look at your eyes in the mirror and repeat ‘I can’ and watch your confidence build every day.

    Build castles in the air. Then you would just need to build the framework to make our dream a reality. Shoot for the stars and you will be glad when you land on ‘Cloud Nine’. Keep a checklist on your dreams and desires. That will help you to work towards them.

    To keep going fuel your emotional needs. Spend time with your family. Take your grandmother to the temple. Play with your baby. Take the dog for his evening walk. Make an effort to connect with people.

  6. Do what you desireDo what you desire: Do things that make you happy. Sometimes people do things to make others happy and end up miserable. They don’t do justice to themselves nor the people who love them. Do what you want to do and not what you have to do. Life is too short to waste in little displeasures like these. It may be an unsatisfying job or a relationship gone sour or it may be something really miniscule. You have to decide what to hold on to and what to get rid of. Streamline your life and your confidence will soar. Don’t waste your energy pushing away all that you don’t want. Take one step at a time and build the life of your dreams.

  7. Decide to be HappyDecide to be happy: If you stay happy against your current circumstances nothing can erase happiness from your life. Your effort will take control. When you are happy you will attract like- minded positive people to share your life and change the way others look at life.

    Know that words are powerful. Keep conflict to the minimum and understanding to the maximum between all those who matter to you. Keep no place for misunderstanding due to lack of communication. Monitor your words as they may have a negative effect on people even without your knowing. Don’t promise something undeliverable. Not keeping your promise would be reason enough for even the closest to lose faith in you.

  8. Choose a fulfilling CareerChoose a fulfilling career: Love your work. Choose a profession that would give you satisfaction. Give your 100% to it. This will not only be your source of sustenance but also provide food for your table. Let it be exciting, challenging and full of life than something lackluster just to pay the bills. It’s never too late to switch to a career of your choice today with the number of options available.

    Don’t be too concerned if everything doesn’t work like clockwork and strictly to your plans. The world changes constantly. Planning is only a discipline to make people think carefully. Once you start keep your eyes strictly on reality. Eventually things will turn for the better.

    Don’t let work stress bring you down. Take a break. Go for a vacation. Spend time with family and regain all the lost energy. Make it a break strictly off work so that you yearn to get back to work with fresh ideas and new zeal.

  9. Choose how you feelChoose how you feel: Don’t let anything or anyone make you feel a certain way. People react to different situations in different ways; hence they choose how they feel. You always have a leeway when it comes to deciding your emotions.

    Stop making a big deal of how you feel. It will soon pass. When you cannot control your emotions from arising it makes no sense to be proud or ashamed of them. It’s your actions that are in your control. That is what you should be responsible for.

    Believe in your destiny. You didn’t stumble upon it by chance. There’s a purpose behind everything. You are exactly where you are supposed to be and it is in your power to change it as soon as you decide to work on it. Listen to your intuition and it will open doors to a path of opportunities and success.

  10. Be Happy!Be happy: Do all the things that have the power to make you smile and laugh. Spend all your free time doing all that you want to do. Play with your pets. Cuddle your baby. Chat with your parents. Relax with your husband or partner. Watch all the movies you wanted to watch – make it a movie day. Play loud music so that you can’t hear our thoughts. Help someone with their bank work. Cook to our hearts content and feel your family’s satisfaction at the dinner table. Eat all that you want to eat once in a while without checking its calorie contents. Catch up with friends. Do some shopping for fun. Throw a party. Relax with a book on a rainy day with a cup of steaming cocoa. Smile at yourself at the mirror and revel that even after all these decades you feel sixteen at heart. Be happy!

By moon

Mother, marketer, lecturer, advisor, wife, sister and daughter, though I am happiest when I am reading, traveling, writing, singing, cooking or doing craft, doting on my four-legged and two legged babies.

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