I was never too fond of kids. I enjoyed watching the activities of cute kids or would cuddle and play with one given an opportunity, but I never craved kids. You know how there are some people who just have to drool and swoon as soon as they see a baby – any baby (even if they are really not soooo cute). Well, I never understood the psychology behind it. Or, may be I was more steel-hearted than I cared to give myself credit for. Instead I preferred little pups and kitties.
Whatever the reason, or the psychological problem behind my behavior, I was a little apprehensive on finding myself pregnant. I was worried at times if I would find my own kid cute. But that was momentary. Not because all my doubts were cleared by this sudden mommy-feeling that most pregnant women claim to feel (I didn’t feel very mommy-ish for quite a while). I got very busy with studies and lots of other things that I wouldn’t care to mention right now.
From time to time I would get bouts of mood-swings and act crazy for a while till I hit my head somewhere and returned to my senses. These reactions scared me too, since I wasn’t sure if I could hold my temper with a baby whose main motto in life would be to irritate me.
I found my answers without trying too hard. I was pretty much left alone with my newborn son, since we live in a land far away from home and cannot expect the parents to keeping popping by as soon as I am ready to give up. So, eventually I learned the ropes. Discovered new tricks. Trained my husband too, since two heads are better than one.
First time I held him in my arms at the hospital, I was scared I might break something or hurt him somehow. When we stepped into our home with him for the first time, he just kept crying and refused to do anything else. I was convinced I was the worst mom!
But Day Two saw my little one cuddling up to me and accepting his food. He decided to trust his little self with the one he instinctively knew to be Mommy. The doctor said he knows me. The nurse said I should talk to him since he knows my voice. I decided to follow advice this time.
Little by little things fell into place. Tiny learned new tricks too while Mommy was busy learning the ropes. But Mommy was smarter than he thought. So he found a new victim in Daddy. He yelled and screamed and nagged if left alone with my husband and got his way. He wanted to be taken for rides around the house. He wanted to be played with all the time that Mommy wasn’t to be seen. And, he wanted all the attention possible because Daddy obviously doesn’t know that little will be quiet if handed ‘Pooh’ or the multi-colored rings.
Today it feels like I have been handling my baby all my life. And no I am never angry with him and never throw a tantrum with him around. I think he is the cutest kid on earth. Funnily these days even I have started finding most kids (not all) cute too. I can’t think of a life without my son.
Not that I know it all. Baby does keep Mommy on her toes. Like this time when I tried to put him to sleep for two hours one afternoon and he took me for a ride (check slideshow). By the end of it, I was fast asleep from my own lullabies and my bundle-of-joy was still rolling around in the bed, coo-ing to himself and chewing on everything that was deemed chewable. When I woke up with a start in about half an hour, I found him deep asleep on one corner of the bed, sleeping like a turtle cuddled up against ‘Pooh’. Just watching him like this makes the days of doubt seem so far away.