Everything thats not really about me but has the potential to change me. All those people that I meet and places that I visit. Every day, every new experience changes me a little. Makes me wonder and search my soul for an answer. Makes me want to do something more meaningful and be a better person.

Some I try to achieve and others I give up after a brief trial. Sometimes its due to lack of patience and at other times cause I lose focus. I blame it all on lack of inspiration and guidance. There are still more that I fear to touch cause they are too much of a hassle to bear.

But all these ideas and thoughts come from around me and they create confusion and mayhem for a while asking question, mocking. Then my practical mind takes over and the mayhem is shoved to a dark corner to rear its head on drunken evenings or stifling afternoons like today.

An ode to them all. An Insight into my soul.

May10th ’08

I always keep saying I detest people who act indifferent to people in need of help. I always thought the world is full of this kind. But I was in for a pleasant surprise on two occasions.

The first time was when I had to take my baby to the doctor for vaccination and my husband was busy. I was left to take him over to the clinic all by myself. That was the first time I was out with him, without someone to help. Needless to say I seemed a bit ill-at-ease. I was very apprehensive too.

As soon as I hailed the cab all the fear left me as the cabbie made sure we were both comfortable and drove at an easy pace, avoiding bumps. The clinic too had a whole load of helpful people. But, what touched my heart was this pregnant lady who insisted on holding open the door of the cab while we settled in. Her partner didn’t look to happy but the lady didn’t seem to care.

In another instance, we got caught up in the rain on our way to visit the vet but we managed to avoid the downpour on our way in. When we were about to leave it was pouring. The vets clinic is one of the busiest in Bangkok with loads of doctors and nurses running around 24/7. But seeing us stranded two of the nurses made us wait inside while they got someone to call us a cab. They got us seated in the cab and then vanished inside like angels.

It would be mean to generalize people when I crib about lack of humanity these days. I have seen it even during my pregnancy when complete strangers offered a hand to get up or old women left their seats and insist that I should sit down. These little gestures everyday make this foreign land feel more like home. The people don’t seem so different anymore, even though we communicate less with words and more with hand gestures.

I am sad to say though, that I am appalled by the behavior of Indians. They do not come forward to help their fellow countrymen or women. Instead they behave as if you don’t exist. They look right through you for fear that they may have to let go of their seats or wait for the next cab. Most Indians I have encountered in this country so far are too deep in self pride and arrogance. I know not for what? Is it because they are NRI’s now? Is that why an European/American stops the lift and holds the door open for me to enter with my 3 month old whereas a whole gang of Indians push me aside so they have enough room for themselves. Weird is it not?

May 30th ’08

An ode has to be paid to the person who egged me over the last year to get back to writing. I have lost count of the number of times he cajoled, scolded and pestered me to write and make something of my blog. Everyday atleast once I would get a lecture and nod and then go about my daily chores.

Recently, I decided to give it a real shot. It was difficult with a three month old who demands my continuous attention and a puppy that refuses to grow up and be a dog regardless of his size. And then there is my studies, home and cooking everyday. Just out of love and respect for the guy who constantly keeps asking me to write just a little bit, I started again. And I have been rewarded for my effort. It was one hell of an ego boost. And there are material gains too. All in all, I don’t regret being back to what I love doing – writing.

Thanks Sourjya. For all of you who don’t know who the guy is, he is my husband and friend and secretary ;). He keeps my blog going. Makes it reach out to the world at large. Had he not shared my work with me and kept insisting everyday, I wouldn’t be writing today. I am not going to go into the details of how he likes to spend the money I earn by writing. Lets not be petty and mean for once. I get my share too.

Love you for the person I am today and for who you are.